Well I finally made it safe and sound to Asheville, NC. I failed to realize what a monumental task moving three cats and two kids halfway across the US would be and I have been beyond overwhelmed. I still have a ton of unpacking to do and I'm searching relentlessly for daycare for my three year old. However, I love doing this blog, have met some amazing people and I cant wait to get back to my quest for God.
As I mentioned, my move was a bigger task than presumed so I never got around to getting in touch with anyone at the Scientology Center in Dallas. There, to my knowledge, isn't a Scientology Center in Asheville, so I am putting them aside (as I did the Lutherans) and will be doing them a bit later.
Sunday I attended a Jewish Festival here in Asheville. I spoke to one of the women at the festival, told her about about my blog and was promptly invited to attend the synagogue Friday evening! I am so excited! I have wanted to go to a synagogue for a very long time and now I will get my chance! I have so much I want to learn about the Jewish faith! Can't wait!
So its Jewish week! So glad to be back!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
An Open Letter to God
Dear God,
If I ever needed you, I need you now. I need to know that you are here with me and that I am making the right decisions. I am exhausted, I have no one in my life that I can count on, if its true that you are here I need you now. Please God, help me. I can no longer continue to pay for mistakes I made in my past. I can not go through life being a tortured soul. If there is something I need to be doing to make things right for myself and my children, please, show me the way. I need to be forgiven and I need to know you are here for me. I need to be forgiven. I need to be forgiven. I NEED to be forgiven.
If I ever needed you, I need you now. I need to know that you are here with me and that I am making the right decisions. I am exhausted, I have no one in my life that I can count on, if its true that you are here I need you now. Please God, help me. I can no longer continue to pay for mistakes I made in my past. I can not go through life being a tortured soul. If there is something I need to be doing to make things right for myself and my children, please, show me the way. I need to be forgiven and I need to know you are here for me. I need to be forgiven. I need to be forgiven. I NEED to be forgiven.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Week Eight: Scientology!
I had wanted to do Scientology at a later date, when my investigative reporting skills are a little more practiced, however, with my move next week I am not sure if I am going to find a Scientology center in Asheville, NC. There is a huge one in Dallas so hopefully they can give me the information I need.
So, what do I know about Scientology? Well I know it was created by L Ron Hubbard and is based on his book, Dianetics, which I have not read. I know something about the teachings of Xenu and that they believe he came from the Galactic Confederacy. I know that L Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer and that, to be honest, some of this stuff sounds a little hoaky. BUT, I had said I would go into each religion with an open mind, so I am going to try to cast off some of the negatives I have heard about Scientology and see what I can find out for myself.
And hopefully they won't sue me;-)
So, what do I know about Scientology? Well I know it was created by L Ron Hubbard and is based on his book, Dianetics, which I have not read. I know something about the teachings of Xenu and that they believe he came from the Galactic Confederacy. I know that L Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer and that, to be honest, some of this stuff sounds a little hoaky. BUT, I had said I would go into each religion with an open mind, so I am going to try to cast off some of the negatives I have heard about Scientology and see what I can find out for myself.
And hopefully they won't sue me;-)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Week Seven: A Baptism?
I have been thinking lately that maybe I need to look into getting baptized. To my knowledge I have never been baptized and sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with my being "cursed". I have for many years thought that I am somehow "cursed"; I was born with this face, these godawful freckles, into an unloving, neglectful family. I've had horrible luck with men and my life has been a struggle at best.
Most of my friends have enduring marriages, with husbands that take good care of them. They are happy and certainly not sitting at home wondering how much longer they will have a roof over their head. I have had a few short lived relationships and none of them ever benefited me in any way. I had always assumed that Mr Right would come along and it would be like Valley Girl or Ghost, nothing would keep us apart, even social class or death and we would be together forever traveling the world. Well, it never happened. I ended up settling for much, much less. Of course at this point I am 40 and alone. To be honest I don't mind being alone, but I do worry. What if I get sick? What if I'm in an accident? Who would take care of me? I guess this is where Christians would tell me that God would be there for me. We'll see.
I have had an extremely busy week with packing and trying to get caught up on homework. I am also going out of town tomorrow so I have been unable to do a religion this week. I will however, be doing Scientology when I get back! I had wanted to do them a little further down the line, but it doesnt appear that there is a Scientology center in Asheville, but there is one in Dallas. I am excited to be doing Scientology! This has to be one of the more interesting religions out there!
Oh, and I still have not gotten back to the Christian Science reading room to see about a healing. I will also try to fit that in next week as well.
Cheers and keep praying.
Most of my friends have enduring marriages, with husbands that take good care of them. They are happy and certainly not sitting at home wondering how much longer they will have a roof over their head. I have had a few short lived relationships and none of them ever benefited me in any way. I had always assumed that Mr Right would come along and it would be like Valley Girl or Ghost, nothing would keep us apart, even social class or death and we would be together forever traveling the world. Well, it never happened. I ended up settling for much, much less. Of course at this point I am 40 and alone. To be honest I don't mind being alone, but I do worry. What if I get sick? What if I'm in an accident? Who would take care of me? I guess this is where Christians would tell me that God would be there for me. We'll see.
I have had an extremely busy week with packing and trying to get caught up on homework. I am also going out of town tomorrow so I have been unable to do a religion this week. I will however, be doing Scientology when I get back! I had wanted to do them a little further down the line, but it doesnt appear that there is a Scientology center in Asheville, but there is one in Dallas. I am excited to be doing Scientology! This has to be one of the more interesting religions out there!
Oh, and I still have not gotten back to the Christian Science reading room to see about a healing. I will also try to fit that in next week as well.
Cheers and keep praying.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Week Six: Still Here and The Bible & Me
Well, I never got around to getting to the Luthern Church in Asheville, nor did I get around to talking to anyone about being Luthern, so I have decided to do them again at a later date. Also, I ate something on the road during the trip home that made me deathly ill, so I have decided to skip a religion this week and start again next.
Currently my head is spinning. I have decided, rather suddenly, to pack up and move almost halfway across the US. I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing or not. I do know that the past few months have taken their toll on me and if I didnt do something I was going to lose everything. Sometimes I guess you have to take chances.
My depression appears to be worse today, the stress of moving, being ill, etc are all weighing in on me. I am going to try to contact someone from the Christian Science reading room and see about getting a healing. I am intrigued and hey, it can't hurt, right?
In the meantime I think I need to take some time to focus on the bible. The truth is I dont have a huge biblical background. I am not one of those people that can quote bible verses or tell you where to find whatever scripture. I had always thought one day I would read it from cover to cover, but that has yet to happen. Anyway, I think today I will get out that giant bible my dad left me and go through it a bit. Maybe I can find some comfort and solace in it.
I am still on a desperate search for God. I kind of thought he was with me in Asheville, when I found a house so easily, a wonderful school for my daughter and actually got a few job leads. Was he telling me that that was where I needed to be? Or was it all coincidence? Still wondering and as my head continues to spin, beginning to have doubts again.
Currently my head is spinning. I have decided, rather suddenly, to pack up and move almost halfway across the US. I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing or not. I do know that the past few months have taken their toll on me and if I didnt do something I was going to lose everything. Sometimes I guess you have to take chances.
My depression appears to be worse today, the stress of moving, being ill, etc are all weighing in on me. I am going to try to contact someone from the Christian Science reading room and see about getting a healing. I am intrigued and hey, it can't hurt, right?
In the meantime I think I need to take some time to focus on the bible. The truth is I dont have a huge biblical background. I am not one of those people that can quote bible verses or tell you where to find whatever scripture. I had always thought one day I would read it from cover to cover, but that has yet to happen. Anyway, I think today I will get out that giant bible my dad left me and go through it a bit. Maybe I can find some comfort and solace in it.
I am still on a desperate search for God. I kind of thought he was with me in Asheville, when I found a house so easily, a wonderful school for my daughter and actually got a few job leads. Was he telling me that that was where I needed to be? Or was it all coincidence? Still wondering and as my head continues to spin, beginning to have doubts again.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A Moment of Insanity and a Luthern Church
After the nonstop string of stressful events last week, in a moment of utter insanity I packed up myself and the kids (well one of them, Selina stayed behind) and drove to Asheville, NC. Why? Well I have kind of reached my proverbial breaking point in Ft. Worth. Its been more than a year since I have worked steadily, I don't have much of a social network there (more on that later) and I am sick of the 100 degree heat.
Asheville was first brought to my attention a couple of years ago. It was named "Happiest Place in America". I was instantly intrigued! A happy place? Here? In America? Aren't we all too overworked, unemployed, underpaid, uninsured, conservative/liberal to be happy???? I first came here a year and a half ago and LOVED it! I had thought about moving here, but because of fear (which seems to rule my life) I didnt do it then.
After Thursday's breaking point and my brief stint into insanity (because insanity knows no fear) I jumped in the car and headed east! I found a house yesterday!!!!! Unbelievably in a great area and even more unbelievably less than what I am paying in Ft Worth! It looks as though God (or insanity) is finally directing me, lets just hope in the right direction.
I am getting ready to go to the Luthern Church here to at least check it out. The great thing is I can continue my quest for God here in Asheville as they appear to have all the religions and some lesser known ones, just like the DFW area!
Keep the prayers coming! They just might be working!!!!
Asheville was first brought to my attention a couple of years ago. It was named "Happiest Place in America". I was instantly intrigued! A happy place? Here? In America? Aren't we all too overworked, unemployed, underpaid, uninsured, conservative/liberal to be happy???? I first came here a year and a half ago and LOVED it! I had thought about moving here, but because of fear (which seems to rule my life) I didnt do it then.
After Thursday's breaking point and my brief stint into insanity (because insanity knows no fear) I jumped in the car and headed east! I found a house yesterday!!!!! Unbelievably in a great area and even more unbelievably less than what I am paying in Ft Worth! It looks as though God (or insanity) is finally directing me, lets just hope in the right direction.
I am getting ready to go to the Luthern Church here to at least check it out. The great thing is I can continue my quest for God here in Asheville as they appear to have all the religions and some lesser known ones, just like the DFW area!
Keep the prayers coming! They just might be working!!!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Quest for God. A Waste of Time?
I know I am only on week five, but I am beginning to think my quest is just another waste of time. My effort to "find God" is going to be a little like trying to find Mr. Right. One of those things that happens to other people, but not to me.
I am beaten down. The past three days I have been had my electricity shut off, been inundated by bill collectors and still no job in sight. I was trying to start my own business, but I have been unsuccessful at finding anyone to help with the website. I had a meeting today with two people that I had hoped to get some advice and information from and they never showed. My body hurts, I literally feel like I have been beaten up. I have prayed to God to please give me some answers, something, and of course it all goes unanswered. I am alone, I am scared and I am losing this battle.
My faith continues to wane.
I am beaten down. The past three days I have been had my electricity shut off, been inundated by bill collectors and still no job in sight. I was trying to start my own business, but I have been unsuccessful at finding anyone to help with the website. I had a meeting today with two people that I had hoped to get some advice and information from and they never showed. My body hurts, I literally feel like I have been beaten up. I have prayed to God to please give me some answers, something, and of course it all goes unanswered. I am alone, I am scared and I am losing this battle.
My faith continues to wane.
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